You have the best of both Worlds

Here she is Miley Cyrus. I took the younger two kids to see her in concert yesterday. I felt like I was at a Disney production complete with dancers, fireworks and screen shots from Hannah Montana the TV show. It was a decent concert. I am glad I did not pay scalper prices for this though. The kids loved her. I could not believe the hysteria surrounding the concert. There was a pre concert party in front of the Prudential center complete with tour bus. There were hundreds of little girls in Hannah wigs and clothes. At the end we could not get out of the parking garage because of all the traffic. Our traffic garage faced the back of the arena. We were able to see both the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus leave the arena. The Jonas Brothers waved from their tour bus but the pictures did not come out. Miley left with a police motorcade. It was pretty impressive.

Happiness

This year was about changes. Some of the changes were sad. Some were difficult. I was challenged by someone to find my happiness and to do something for myself. And so I did. Happiness is...a warm puppy. While we did this more for the kids and to help them with the losses they have suffered this year. I will admit she has added something to my life the past few days. One cannot dwell on the past with this little face looking up at you.

The saga continues...

Well my mother was admitted to the hospital last night. I got a hysterical phone call from my aunts that my mother was in terrible shape and I needed to go over right away. My mother was throwing up and hysterical. She could not walk and had not eaten in almost 24 hours.

I pick up the phone and call 911. Yet another happy ride in an ambulance to the ER. My mother became beligerent with me. She wanted crackers, she wanted ginger ale, she wanted to go the bathroom, her head hurt, her ear hurt, I didn't find the nurse fast enough, etc. etc. It was a constant barrage of commands. No one else could make it to relieve me so I was left yet again to deal with her and her non stop complaints for hours on end.

All the tests come back. There is nothing wrong with her. But they admitted her. Because she shakes, which she claims is normal, they admitted her for observation. They are also concerned because she was so abusive to me.

I told my brother he needs to deal with this today. I cannot. I need a day to get my life back in order. I also need a day to recover from the barrage.

The dreaded N word

My mother is ill.

My mother is bipolar. She was diagnosed when I was 20. However, she was ill before that. She has caused scenes at my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my children, family parties and significant milestones in my children's lives. We have learned to live with her and I am at peace with it.

After my stepfather passed away my mother moved to be closer to us. She hates it. She says that she has no friends. She says that this move has not been kind to her. She gets lost going to the mall and shopping. She gets lost in the town she has lived in the past three years. Every time she gets lost she calls me so that we must rescue her and drive her back to her apartment. She ignores her part in her own unhappiness. If she moves, she will be at least two hours away from myself and my brother.

She has been to the emergency room three times in the past 3 months. She fell and broke her nose, and then she had heart palpatations. And on the morning of Thanksgiving she fell and needed five stitches in her ear. We have an appointment with a nuerologist soon. Hopefully she will have some answers for us.

It was in the ER that my mother made her announcement.She announced that she is moving home. When I asked her what would happen if she fell or had heart palpitations or got lost she told me that she would call me and that I would come and fix it. I told her that it could very possibly take me two to four hours if traffic was bad and she told me that I would have to come because she is my mother.

And then I said the N word. The word that I needed to say. I said no. I told her that I have a husband, children and a job. That I am happy to help her but that if she moved I could not help her the way I was helping her now. She had a temper tantrum. I told her I wanted her to be happy and that if this was her happiness then so be it. But that her happiness did not mean that I would disrupt my life. She told me that her other children do not help her the way I do and it was my job because I was the oldest. And I said it again. I said no.

I have called my siblings and asked them to back me up on this. I will call my aunts and uncles and ask them to back me on this. She needs to be near us so we can manage her care. Trust me, no one else wants to take that on.

But I am proud. Because I said no. For the first time. And if this continues, not the last.

Happiness

There is a song from the play "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" called "Happiness." Happiness is two kinds of ice cream. The song explains that your happiness is "...anyone and anything at all that's loved by you" and explains that happiness is personal.

Here are a few of the lyrics:
HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.
PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE
TELLING THE TIME.
HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.
TYING YOUR SHOE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.
AND HAPPINESS IS WALKING HAND IN HAND.
HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.
KNOWING A SECRET.
CLIMBING A TREE.
HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.
CATCHING A FIREFLY.
SETTING HIM FREE

Happiness is for me is my family, my friends, my job. I watch my son and see his joy at learning various new skills and his joy at them. I am trying to find that joy and happiness that he has. I hope you all know your personal happiness and enjoy it.

Tenacity

Tenacity - the property of being tenacious.
Tenacious - holding together; cohesive; not easily pulled asunder; tough.

I am tenacious. I learned that in life problems can either rip you apart or make you stronger. It is a decision that one makes. It certainly is not easy but I have the power to make that decision. I may worry about my kids and husband and family and friends but I have the power to take that worry and do something positive about it. And that power is mine and it makes me feel ready to take on all that is coming ahead.

There is quote that I shamelessly borrowed from another blog about time is wasted being unhappy and it is so true. My dear mother-in-law is very sick. She is a font of strength and the way she is living right now has been so inspirational. She is concentrating on being happy. The pain and problems make the joy in life all that much more sweet. It is a matter of finding your joy.

I worry

I worry.

I worry about my teenage daughter who believes that you should do what is right, no matter what the personal cost, and has suffered from the mean girls because of it.

I worry about my son off at college because he still wears his rose colored glasses.

I worry about my other son, who will choose a different path that he realize that the road less traveled sometimes makes all the difference.

I worry about my youngest because the world is a scary place.

I worry about my husband who has the weight of the world on his shoulders right now. And the world just got heavier.

What I have learned is that worry can take to paths. It can lead to dispair and feelings of futility because you cannot do anything for these problems. Or it can lead to realizing that life is not perfect. The down times of our life make us stronger and more resiliant if we choose that path. And while I worry about the big vague things and little mundane ones I realized that these are a part of life. I have been told that I am a strong person. I would not be the strong person that I am if it was not for the the things that I have endured. I would love to have a magic wand to make my loved ones not go through these things but I realize that the best gift I can give them is to show them that life goes on and you will survive and even thrive. But this does not prevent me from worrying still.

Continuing Education

I am taking a photoshop course online. I have a ton of pictures with the dog and the kids that need red eyes removed. However, when I try to do it I mess up. I am now working on lesson 4 which is undo. Being a teacher, it is very interesting being on the other side of the desk. Online is also strange. I cannot jump up and down and get my question answered without going through the basics.

I am also taking a photography class through continuing education. We are doing this together. It guarantees one date night per week.

I am trying to expand my horizons. There have been so many things that I have wanted to do in my life that I have put off. With good reasons but things have been put off just them same. It is now time to stop putting off. I am also trying to take more pictures both with my point and shoot and with my digital rebel slr. I also joined a gym. Just part of the not putting off and my continuing education.

We will see

Ok, I set up a blog.