Sunday, November 25, 2007

The saga continues...

Well my mother was admitted to the hospital last night. I got a hysterical phone call from my aunts that my mother was in terrible shape and I needed to go over right away. My mother was throwing up and hysterical. She could not walk and had not eaten in almost 24 hours.

I pick up the phone and call 911. Yet another happy ride in an ambulance to the ER. My mother became beligerent with me. She wanted crackers, she wanted ginger ale, she wanted to go the bathroom, her head hurt, her ear hurt, I didn't find the nurse fast enough, etc. etc. It was a constant barrage of commands. No one else could make it to relieve me so I was left yet again to deal with her and her non stop complaints for hours on end.

All the tests come back. There is nothing wrong with her. But they admitted her. Because she shakes, which she claims is normal, they admitted her for observation. They are also concerned because she was so abusive to me.

I told my brother he needs to deal with this today. I cannot. I need a day to get my life back in order. I also need a day to recover from the barrage.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The dreaded N word

My mother is ill.

My mother is bipolar. She was diagnosed when I was 20. However, she was ill before that. She has caused scenes at my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my children, family parties and significant milestones in my children's lives. We have learned to live with her and I am at peace with it.

After my stepfather passed away my mother moved to be closer to us. She hates it. She says that she has no friends. She says that this move has not been kind to her. She gets lost going to the mall and shopping. She gets lost in the town she has lived in the past three years. Every time she gets lost she calls me so that we must rescue her and drive her back to her apartment. She ignores her part in her own unhappiness. If she moves, she will be at least two hours away from myself and my brother.

She has been to the emergency room three times in the past 3 months. She fell and broke her nose, and then she had heart palpatations. And on the morning of Thanksgiving she fell and needed five stitches in her ear. We have an appointment with a nuerologist soon. Hopefully she will have some answers for us.

It was in the ER that my mother made her announcement.She announced that she is moving home. When I asked her what would happen if she fell or had heart palpitations or got lost she told me that she would call me and that I would come and fix it. I told her that it could very possibly take me two to four hours if traffic was bad and she told me that I would have to come because she is my mother.

And then I said the N word. The word that I needed to say. I said no. I told her that I have a husband, children and a job. That I am happy to help her but that if she moved I could not help her the way I was helping her now. She had a temper tantrum. I told her I wanted her to be happy and that if this was her happiness then so be it. But that her happiness did not mean that I would disrupt my life. She told me that her other children do not help her the way I do and it was my job because I was the oldest. And I said it again. I said no.

I have called my siblings and asked them to back me up on this. I will call my aunts and uncles and ask them to back me on this. She needs to be near us so we can manage her care. Trust me, no one else wants to take that on.

But I am proud. Because I said no. For the first time. And if this continues, not the last.